Off the Market – kinda

I’m not dating anyone, no one swooped in and swept me off my feet.  This year, like last, just hasn’t been great for dating or the heart.  And I don’t mind being alone/single, what’s tiring at times is not being content with that, trying to find something with someone.  There have been a lot of false starts this year since BK and I split up.  A lot of rejections and a lot of rejecting people and honestly neither one is pleasant, even if you know it’s not right.

So I shut down the online dating account.  I resisted the urge to flirt with a girl at the bar the other night with buddies.  The holidays will keep me busy enough, I won’t be sitting around the house moping.  I’ll have fun going to the parents’ place next weekend with The Boy, that’ll be December when we get back, then there will be Christmas shopping, putting the tree up, flying out to KC to help my buddy drive his moving truck back.  It’ll pass quickly and I’ll be in a better frame of mind.  Dating is hard work, but you can’t attack it and be hurt or mad or angry or burned out.  You’ve got to be open to possibilities and positive.

It’s funny, when I was younger, I used to feel bad for people who would stay in a bad relationship because they’d rather be in a bad relationship than be alone.  Maybe I’d judge some of them for being weak, depending on the situation.  What I didn’t realize were how many people were in “ok” situations for the same types of reasons.  Sure you care about the person, and things are ok, you’re content-ish, but it’s not GREAT.  I don’t mean some unrealistic fairy-tale great with no problems.  It’s not a passion or drama or wild-crazy-sex all the time thing.  But if you’ve known “good” and you’ve known “great” you know what I mean.  Good is safe.  I don’t blame people for sticking with good.  I stuck with good for awhile.

But I’ve had great.  I didn’t fully appreciate it when I had it and at the same time recognized the possibility of it and was terrified of it, but I had it.  And I want great again.  And me staying in an “ok” situation with someone not only keeps me from finding great again, it keeps them from finding something great for them as well.  And what’s even worse is if they think they’ve found it with me and I don’t feel the same, but I’m staying with them because it’s safe and comfortable and it’s good enough that I’m using them so I don’t have to be alone.  So that wasn’t fair to cheat them of their great.

I’ve got a second date with someone tomorrow.  I’m probably being a little pessimistic because of all that’s happened this year, but even though we had a great first date, I’m not holding my breath for this to go anywhere.  I’ll play it out and if it does, great!  But if it doesn’t, I’ll use the holidays to catch my breath and re-charge.  Then hopefully great will happen again sometime.

 

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