This Article…

hit me on a couple levels.

First, I could identify with the guy.  My Dad was gone a lot when I was growing up, and it wasn’t until later that I realized that was his way of loving the family.  Because that was his father’s way.  Working to the bone to put a roof over our heads, food on the table and clothes on our back.  There wasn’t a lot of time to play.  That’s why Mom was a stay-at-home-mom.  She was supposed to provide that.  The didn’t realize that for kids it doesn’t work that way.

Secondly, the idea of distorted kid’s lenses.  I’ve carried that around with me so much this last year, questioning so much of what I do and say and think, and the way I react to situations, now that I realize so much of the foundation of who I am/was was based on these distorted facts and knowledge from my childhood.  The problem with this article is that this guy writes it like *poof*, magically everything is better.  And it kind of is.  But it’s also hard to change decades worth of…  stuff.  How much of who he is and how he interacts with others is based off that thinking that his Dad didn’t love him?  How’d that affect his feelings of self-worth?  Maybe you could thread part of his divorce back to that.  It’s going to keep jumping out at him for awhile.  At least it did for me.

And lastly, the other theme I’ve been working on.  The importance of people recognizing the ways in which you do show love, even if they’re not the ways they want you to show love.  What that can mean when it’s a two way street.  His Dad realized he wasn’t fulfilling all of his needs and was apologizing and trying to make amends for it, but he also needed to realize that his dad was making sacrifices for the family out of love and needed to appreciate that as well for the relationship to truly grow.

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