After Midnight Ramblings

I’m a little screwed up right now.  Not in a bad way.  Just is what it is.  It’s been a LONG week.  My team ran a 48 hr exercise this weekend.  So I’ve been going since last Monday to begin with.  Then the screwed up sleep from the weekend.  Then we’ve got out of towners this week and I was expected to be in meetings with them so I didn’t get Monday or Tuesday off like the rest of my guys did.  Monday night I was so goofy I couldn’t sleep well.  Last night I was a little wired and was up later but once I fell asleep I zonked hard.  But it was the boy’s first day of high school this morning and they’ve got an earlier schedule.  So the quality was there but not the quantity.  After I dropped him off I rushed into work because we’d scheduled a 7:30 interview.  Because I was in so early I was planning on coming home early so I could nap.  I got out a tiny bit early, no where near as early as I wanted to but by the time I got home I was wired and couldn’t sleep.

I just got back from drinking, dart throwing and motorcycle riding with The Tween.  She normally works nights and moved out of town so we don’t see one another much.  She had to work a day shift today and is back on nights tomorrow so she was trying to stay up late tonight to help flip her schedule.  The original plan was me and BK were going to meet her, probably go to the Grizz and go dancing or something but BK had to work late so we did the fallback.

There’s all those sayings about best friends.  How you can go years without talking to them and pick right back up as if no time had passed.  The Tween is one of, if not the closest friend I have but we’re not like that.  We could go out again tomorrow and things would still be awkward for awhile.  Then all of a sudden we’d hit our stride and then we’d be able to talk about anything and everything and we’d find ourselves telling each other stuff we haven’t told anyone else.  Except the blogoverse. 

A couple of weeks ago I went out with a girl I’d gone on some dates with way back when.  I mentioned something about The Tween and she said that she’d always thought it was weird and unnatural for me to be such good friends with someone so young.  Honestly, I think it’s a little weird too, but for different reasons and I’m not arguing.  I don’t think the age thing is so weird just because of an age difference.  What I find weird is that I think I learn at least as much from her as she does from me.  I want to feel like I owe her a huge debt of gratitude, especially for being there for me this year but I realize that’s how friendships are supposed to work and I’m getting a lot better about letting people, asking people to be there for me.

There’s a little guilt.  I cut contact with her significantly to try and save a different relationship and I think that went unappreciated.  I strongly considered taking it a step further and ending the friendship with her altogether for this other thing.  The other thing left me high and dry, turned tail and ran and The Tween is still here, solid as a rock.  I feel like I was a bad friend for that, and for considering more.

This friendship might not be the relationship I wanted when I first saw her but it’s probably been exactly what I need.



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