Stuff

So one of the issues that I’ve always had with the idea of being diagnosed as A.D.D./A.D.H.D. is this idea that it’s not real and that I’m just a slack-ass by nature.  I know I’ve talked about this in blogs past, but that’s what it is.  Having previous attempts at medication not work out well didn’t really reassure me, just made me feel like it wasn’t a real problem and just a crutch or excuse.  But with some recent events and struggles I decided why not try it again.

So today was my first full day at work on the meds.  I’m cautiously optimistic.  Today we were under a little stress, the day started with a minor verbal sparring with my boss.  So it’s entirely possible that that’s what put enough stress on me to allow me to buckle down.  I still checked FB off an on throughout the day, still checked news and personal email, but it did feel like I was significantly more engaged with my teams.  One of the things that’s interesting about these meds is that apparently they are quick acting.  They don’t require a period for them to pool up in your system before you notice the effects.  They’re also time released for a more even level throughout the day as well as short half-lived so on days you don’t want to be up, you don’t take them.  So a part of me wants to laugh at myself for saying I’ve noticed the effects already, but a part of me says eh, maybe they really are working.  If anything, I’d just like a “little more” of the effect, if this is in fact the drugs working.  So I’ll keep taking them and see how the week progresses.  If I feel the same way I’ll just ask for an upped dosage.  The doc wanted to see me in a month, but I might call before then if I’m either continuing to feel good or starting to feel bad about it.

One of the interesting things was a conversation with a friend.  She was asking me what a non-productive day looks like and I explained it.  She’s also in IT, which I believe draws A.D.D. type folks.  After I laid it out she responded with “Well that just sounds normal.”.  So I had to respond with “Are you sure you’re not A.D.D.?”, where in the past I might’ve just stopped taking the meds after hearing that.  It’s tough.  I’m not sure what to look for.  If I am A.D.D., if it is a real thing, how do I know if the drugs are working and how do I know when I’m on the right meds and closer to “normal”?  Do I just realize one day I’ve been crazy productive?  Will there be huge gains?  Little ones?  How much effort will be required on top of just popping the pills?  Do I have to form new habits to help the drugs work?  I know on Ambien, I can fight the sleep.  Taking the pill isn’t enough, I have to take the pill, and put myself into a frame of mind and relaxed state where I’m working with the drug.  Is this the same?

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