The weirdness of 2010

I don’t know what to blame it on, and probably won’t spend too much time trying to figure it out. Call it depression, PTSD, bad habits, oxygen deprivation, life in general, shit-happens, whatever. Long and short of it is that I was in a funk, seeing life through a haze and for better or worse it’s lifting.

After the last couple of deployments I went right back to work, and then usually right back to another deployment. This time I had a couple weeks off before I went back to work, and I’m coming up on 2 years and there still isn’t a deployment in sight. (Not entirely true, I sidestepped a mobilization that would’ve had me working in Texas for a year and rejected a First Sergeant slot/promotion that would’ve had me in line for an upcoming deployment). Officially I’m considered medically non-deployable although I’m healing/recovering from a lot of my aches and pains. Anyways, I’ve mentioned before just being TIRED. Bone weary tired. Then there were the breathing problems which are still there, still fairly undiagnosed. They’re playing “drug-of-the-month” to try to resolve that. That’s caused some serious setbacks. I’ve been on a high dose of prednisone off an on for the last six months or so. It helps, but when they pulled me off, my “low” was lower than it had been before I started the drug. Much bigger hole to dig myself out of.

Then the car accident happened. Concussion from that, soft tissue trauma. Nothing tons of people haven’t been through before, but a funny story that goes with it. The night after the accident I got pulled over because my taillights had been damaged in the accident. I had lost my insurance paperwork in the paperwork shuffle of the accident so I had a mandatory court appearance. ZERO recollection of that event for months. It wasn’t until I got the word that there was a bench warrant for my arrest for failure to appear that I went looking for paperwork and put it all together. Apparently putting your head through your rear window and then bouncing it off the steering wheel does a little more damage than you think.

Then the boss that started in January that I was hoping was going to be a good thing? Not-so-much. The job that was totally awesome last year has become hell this year. Multiple lawsuits, firings and resignations within our small department. I’m job hunting like crazy which is never pleasant.

A couple months ago I complained to my chest doctor that in addition to having problems breathing I’m always tired. He schedules me for a sleep study and they can’t decide whether or not I have sleep apnea or if my lungs are just having problems processing oxygen more when I sleep. Regardless, I respond to the CPAP in the study so they order me one for home. About the same time I just started looking at my house. A couple shingles were cracked on the roof. So I bought a new ladder and climbed up there and fixed them and noticed that some branches from the trees were messing with my shingles and getting caught under my eaves. Then I was cutting back branches. Then I was cutting trees down. Then I noticed some cracks in the foundation and started doing some repairs. The CPAP shows up and all of a sudden I’m not sleeping til noon on the weekend but I’m up by 9 and doing stuff around the yard and the house. And getting more and more disgusted with myself for letting things get so bad, which in turn leads to more work. This weekend I was on my hands and knees moping the bathroom floors, cleaning the grout and washing my baseboards behind the commode.

I’m looking up class schedules to get myself back into finishing my MBA, I’m cooking (or at least heating) dinners at home more instead of restaurants and fast food places so much, running as much as I can, lifting weights again on a halfway regular schedule. Thrown up a couple blog posts, applying for jobs, the works. Not sure how long the momentum will last, or how easy it’d be to drop back into a funk but so far so good.

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3 Responses to “The weirdness of 2010”

  1. Your body has been thru a lot, I am sure the healing process is frustating. Hang in there.

  2. Wow. Dude. That all blows!!!!!!

    Well, except the last paragraph, where you start to turn things around. Phew!

    Try and stay safe/healthy.

  3. paigelgoit Says:

    You’re always invited to come clean my baseboards if the urge surfaces again.

    Life is like a roller coaster. Sometimes there are ups and sometimes there are downs. In the downs you want to yell at the operator to let you the fuck off. And at the ups you smile and scream with glee. Ultimately it’s about staying on the damn ride. Go you (wink)!

    In light of all those lows, it sounds like you’re in for some damn good highs!!!

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