Several months ago I had to make the conscious decision to stop praying for PG. When you take the time to pray for someone, you’re giving them deliberate, mindful thought and that wasn’t healthy anymore. It’s not like she doesn’t pop into my head a million times a day, but that’s not me conjuring up the thoughts. For all the anger and pain, I’m still in love with her and she left a huge thumbprint on my life, more so than probably anyone, except for my parents. To try to continue to heal and move past the relationship I had to stop. She’s not my girlfriend anymore, she chose to break up with me, and by immediately dating someone else and lying so many times about it, she chose not to be my friend either. Her choice, not mine. But as such, praying for her, worrying about and over her? Not something I could continue to do and try to heal.
She’s popped back up into my life a little more actively the last couple weeks. With so many shared connections, she’s always present on some level, which makes healing hard, but I was made aware of a big, month-long, international travel trip she’s got going on. It’s not just go sit on a beach for three days and fly home. And because of the recent connection, wanted or not, and this knowledge, I feel like I have to send up some prayers for her safety and happiness.