Posted in Uncategorized on November 26, 2015 by me

There are way, way too many things to list that I am grateful for.  I may not have everything I want, but I have way more than I need.  2015 might feel like a continuation of 2014 in the repeated kick to the nuts with my jobs and love life, but it’s also been a continuation of the good changes, better, stronger friendships, new honesty with people and a heck of a lot of new adventures.



Posted in Uncategorized on November 25, 2015 by me

…. I go downtown on this freezing, raining holiday eve night to help a friend move some stuff from his apartment down to his storage unit and hang a tv because he has some mobility issues and locked myself out of my jeep. And instead of sending a locksmith with real tools they sent a tow truck driver with a flexible metal rod to push buttons that my jeep doesn’t have because it doesn’t have automatic locks. So instead of pushing buttons we figure out how to loosen the front half of my hardtop enough that I can reach my hand in and pull the keys out. Just as the keys are about to pop out I realize how freaking cold my fingers are and how weak of a grip I have on my keys and how screwed I’ll be if I drop them on the ground. But I got them out and got into the truck. No good deed goes unpunished. Especially when you’re distracted by thoughts of stupid girls doing the Mexican hat dance repeatedly on your heart because you let them. 8)


Posted in Uncategorized on November 25, 2015 by me

I have worked hard and fought myself to keep from stalking PG.  I have avoided all of her online trails for the last year.  Today some goofy things happened and I saw a post of hers on Google+.  I shouldn’t have, but I ended up liking it, she was trying to get a scholarship for traveling abroad with some of her photographs, I guess I just wanted to show support.

That led to her texting me to thank me and us texting back and forth.  I had to leave work and called her to finish the discussion.

It ended, with a couple more painful texts after we hung up.  That whole experience sucked.  It was kind of like racking myself in the nuts at the same time that I stabbed myself in the heart a couple times.  I curled up in a tiny, little ball in bed and felt stupid and hurt for a couple hours.

I guess between all the “stuff” with her Mom, Dad and sister this last month or two and all her visits here, I just kind of took it for, or was hoping it was a sign that maybe something was happening.

So who knows.  Maybe that’ll finally be some closure.  Maybe after all this time I’ll finally feel silly enough to really move on 100%.  We’ll see.


Posted in Uncategorized on November 24, 2015 by me
So I got my first pedicure ever this weekend.  After 17 years of beating the snot out of me feet in “light” units in the Army, I decided it was time to pamper them.  I’d been talking about doing it for awhile, but never pulled the trigger.  I was out having beers with a friend Sunday and she mentioned that she was going to go get a mani, and I said “Huh, one of these days I’m finally going to get a pedi” and it went from there.

Anyways.  Great experience to pamper myself like that.  Different than just buying a new toy like a camera lens or watch for myself as a present.  I’ll definitely be doing it again.  I was definitely lucky and picked a great place right from the beginning.  I think I could’ve been uncomfortable in some places or with some pedicurists? and never gone back.  One of the things that I liked was that they had these really comfortable chairs.  A dark would frame, similar to an Ikea chair, with a solid piece of solid leather forming a sling that you sat in.  Perfect for a house lived in by two men.

So I searched yesterday for it.  Still an incredible chair.  Would still take one if offered to me.  But at $1299, probably not going to end up in my house anytime soon.

what a freaking insane evening…

Posted in Uncategorized on November 23, 2015 by me

Gonna take awhile to process…

Protected: Saturday Night – 21 Nov

Posted in Uncategorized on November 22, 2015 by me

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The Noggin

Posted in Uncategorized on November 21, 2015 by me

So it’s been a running joke for awhile now (not necessarily a funny one, just a running one) that if I hit my head any more times I’m going to have to start wearing a helmet.  Not so much of a joke anymore.  Or funnier than ever.  I’m not sure which.

I had that bad concussion back in April.  I still don’t remember most of April and May.  Before that I was having issues from the TBI caused by an explosive blast in Iraq.  Anxiety was/is impacting me in ways I still haven’t fully realized.  Issues with attention span and short term memory problems.  Some other emotional issues like increased irritability, etc.

But some other things have been popping up, most likely as a result of the TBI and aggravated by the concussion.  A couple of weeks ago I had a terrible bout of vertigo.  It last for the better part of three days.  The vertigo has come back a couple of times since then, but then it’s only lasted for the rest of the day after it’s popped up.  I went to a doctor after the first time and was told that it might be an inner ear issue.  Bad tinnitus can apparently progress to include vertigo.  So I was sent to an audiologist.  I’m losing more of my hearing, but there was nothing jumping out as a cause.  Once they ruled out obvious ear issues they created a referral to an ENT specialist.  That visit hasn’t happened yet.  But in the meantime I got in to see my primary care physician today.

She connected a lot of dots that I wasn’t.  Not only do I have the vertigo problem but big, significant chunks of my long term memory are dropping out.  Not just the short term stuff that I’ve started to overcome by writing things down, notekeeping, keeping emails, etc.  Big chunks of my life are disappearing.  I can remember remembering things, telling stories about my childhood or boot camp or deployments or whatever, but I can’t remember the actual event, or person or image or whatever.  And all those other problems as well.

So I’ve got another referral to the VA’s TBI clinic.  Hopefully that’ll happen sooner rather than later, hopefully they’ve got some mechanisms to manage this, to stop, or at least slow the memory loss and the vertigo.



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