I haven’t taken Ambien since the early spring when I woke up and saw that I’d sent out a particularly regrettable text in the night. That’s happened numerous times before then when I’ve taken Ambien, that emails or texts went out, but those usually had a happy ending and gave me a funny story. But since I’m still feeling a certain way and since the possibility exists of doing it again, I’ve just resisted the urge and tried to muscle through the lack of good, sound sleep.
I used to travel a lot, or go camping, and I always have a problem falling asleep the first night at new place. I’d make sure to travel with Ambien and would usually take half a pill to get me through that first night, and if the place was noisy or whatever, follow up on future nights as necessary. I’m flying to Phoenix tomorrow for a Wounded Warrior Project event and spent awhile looking at the bottle of Ambien and trying to decide whether or not to throw it into my shaving kit.
I’ve played with the idea of going to WWP events in the past, but generally it was either for the fun of it, for the free gear/trip or to try and make a relationship stronger. This is the first time I’m going, and I’m going for me, for the right reasons. I’m acknowledging that I’ve got some issues, both physical/mental and emotional and that I need to be open minded, and immerse myself in this experience with similar people and see what good can come of it. And, honestly, that’s a vulnerability that scares the hell out of me. So it was tempting to grab that bottle. Not sure why sleep seems like a baby blanket that can protect me through this journey. Not sure if on some level I’m worried that I’ll just be exposed to all sorts of new thoughts and feelings and emotions that will just keep hounding me and if sleep will be the only escape from them. Maybe it was just habit. But the risk is still there, and that’s a scab I can’t pick right now. Whatever the reason, I can do this without it.