Quote. From a Comic Book of All Places…

Posted in Uncategorized on August 30, 2014 by me

“Perhaps I am infected with a kind of madness…  But for the first time in my adult life, I can laugh.  And Cry.  I can FEEL — to the fullest extent of my being — without having to deny that emotion and cast it out, for what I thought was my own good.  Bear with me Kitty, stand by me..  I need the strength of a true friend.”

Pretty much sums up 2014 thus far.

Protected: Our Ice Bucket Challenge

Posted in Uncategorized on August 27, 2014 by me

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Posted in Uncategorized on August 26, 2014 by me

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Superman

Posted in Uncategorized on August 24, 2014 by me

I’m a comic book geek.  I always liked songs like this and “Superman” by Five for Fighting.  But I always listened to them from the perspective of a guy who liked superheroes.  Tonight I was taking a shower and had a retro station on and heard “Kryptonite”.  l heard the lyric “you took for granted all the times I never let you down” and that played into the “love her like she wants to be loved/make sure she appreciates the way you love her” dynamic I’ve been playing through in my head so much lately. 

After Midnight Ramblings

Posted in Uncategorized on August 21, 2014 by me

I’m a little screwed up right now.  Not in a bad way.  Just is what it is.  It’s been a LONG week.  My team ran a 48 hr exercise this weekend.  So I’ve been going since last Monday to begin with.  Then the screwed up sleep from the weekend.  Then we’ve got out of towners this week and I was expected to be in meetings with them so I didn’t get Monday or Tuesday off like the rest of my guys did.  Monday night I was so goofy I couldn’t sleep well.  Last night I was a little wired and was up later but once I fell asleep I zonked hard.  But it was the boy’s first day of high school this morning and they’ve got an earlier schedule.  So the quality was there but not the quantity.  After I dropped him off I rushed into work because we’d scheduled a 7:30 interview.  Because I was in so early I was planning on coming home early so I could nap.  I got out a tiny bit early, no where near as early as I wanted to but by the time I got home I was wired and couldn’t sleep.

I just got back from drinking, dart throwing and motorcycle riding with The Tween.  She normally works nights and moved out of town so we don’t see one another much.  She had to work a day shift today and is back on nights tomorrow so she was trying to stay up late tonight to help flip her schedule.  The original plan was me and BK were going to meet her, probably go to the Grizz and go dancing or something but BK had to work late so we did the fallback.

There’s all those sayings about best friends.  How you can go years without talking to them and pick right back up as if no time had passed.  The Tween is one of, if not the closest friend I have but we’re not like that.  We could go out again tomorrow and things would still be awkward for awhile.  Then all of a sudden we’d hit our stride and then we’d be able to talk about anything and everything and we’d find ourselves telling each other stuff we haven’t told anyone else.  Except the blogoverse. 

A couple of weeks ago I went out with a girl I’d gone on some dates with way back when.  I mentioned something about The Tween and she said that she’d always thought it was weird and unnatural for me to be such good friends with someone so young.  Honestly, I think it’s a little weird too, but for different reasons and I’m not arguing.  I don’t think the age thing is so weird just because of an age difference.  What I find weird is that I think I learn at least as much from her as she does from me.  I want to feel like I owe her a huge debt of gratitude, especially for being there for me this year but I realize that’s how friendships are supposed to work and I’m getting a lot better about letting people, asking people to be there for me.

There’s a little guilt.  I cut contact with her significantly to try and save a different relationship and I think that went unappreciated.  I strongly considered taking it a step further and ending the friendship with her altogether for this other thing.  The other thing left me high and dry, turned tail and ran and The Tween is still here, solid as a rock.  I feel like I was a bad friend for that, and for considering more.

This friendship might not be the relationship I wanted when I first saw her but it’s probably been exactly what I need.

 

Protected: Too Much Catholic in Me?

Posted in Uncategorized on August 19, 2014 by me

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Applied Knowledge

Posted in Uncategorized on August 15, 2014 by me

It’s funny.  For years I’ve been talking about the difference between mentally/logically knowing something and understanding it emotionally.  It’s an easy and hard concept to get, and even though I talk about it all the time, I still don’t realize the difference when I see it in myself sometimes.

It’s no secret that I’m an introvert.  And introverts must be sexy this year, I’ve seen tons of shared articles on FB in the last six months, talking about the main difference between extroverts and introverts being how they recharge and what causes them to expend energy.  By now everyone should know that introverts recharge by being alone.  I know I’ve read it enough.  I definitely logically understand it, and I’ve quoted that to people to explain myself to them.

Apparently the emotional understanding was a different story.  I was out at a rehearsal dinner last night for some acquaintances who are getting married on Saturday.  I was a +1 and the person who invited me likes to stay at parties and the like til the very, very end.  I didn’t know many people there so there was lots of small talk, struggling to find common interests to talk about.  The effort of coming out of my shell, acting like an extrovert for a couple of hours.  Charming, witty, easy to get to know and relate to. 

Towards the end of the evening I started to yawn uncontrollably and get cranky.  I wanted to go home NOW.  I couldn’t understand why my date for the evening couldn’t just interrupt the mother of the groom to thank her for paying for dinner, wave a goodbye to the bride and why we couldn’t get the hell out of there.  I didn’t want to embarrass her so I managed to bite my tongue.  Barely. 

It wasn’t til I was driving home that it dawned on me.  Once I got out of there and had been alone in my jeep for ten or fifteen minutes, listening to my music and my volume I started to perk up.  DUH!  The effort of being “ON” for a couple of hours had gotten to me, worn me out.  And like a baby in need of nap I’d gotten cranky. 

There’ve been times when I’ve been in a serious relationship with someone for awhile and the honeymoon phase is over that I’ve gotten seriously stressed out about upcoming social events with them.  And I get it now.  Again.  DUH!  Even if I can be positive about it, that it’s going to be a fun event or experience it’s still going to be draining.  But if that appeal isn’t there, if it feels like an obligation instead of something I want to do of course it’s going to be worse.  And knowing what’s coming up for hours or days at a time it just builds up and my overactive imagination makes it worse and blows it out of proportion.  So of course I’ve had this stress that I haven’t always identified the source of and I haven’t always dealt with it well.

Ugh.  Seriously?  It took this long to figure that out?  And sometimes I knew it and identified it and fessed up to it.  But sometimes I didn’t.  Not emotionally.  And me, being me, of course I never thought about it or discussed it.  Not sure why last night was such a light bulb moment.  Hopefully by taking the time to write it all out it’ll stick in my head and I can respond better in the future.  Cajole myself out of it when the even is coming up.  Apologize for it or prep people for it when necessary.  But not be a jerk overall.

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