Soldier Ride Phoenix

Posted in Uncategorized on October 24, 2014 by me

Someone sent me an email today asking how it was going.  I read it on the bus ride back from the first day’s ride to the hotel.  My reply?

“So far so good.  Great being amongst fellow soldiers again.  Like letting out a deep breath you didn’t realize you were holding in for a really long time.”

It IS nice.  I’m lucky, I get to see interact with my military buddies at home a fair bit.  But so much of it is helping them, it’s almost more pressure.  Helping them fix a car, find a job, lending them money, whatever.  And we won’t even get into what it was like dating one and the pressure that was…

Not knowing anyone here, but immediately feeling connected with them, and not having any expectations…  It is great, and it’s helping and hopefully will continue to do so when the rides are done.

Change of Season

Posted in Uncategorized on October 21, 2014 by me

Not sure why, but I’ve been going around town the last week thinking that when I leave for Phoenix tomorrow that that’ll be the end of fall in Denver.  That I’ve got to enjoy every last bit of the season while I can because when I come back the leaves will be off the trees, there will be a foot of snow on the ground and I won’t be able to ride my scoot for the next five months.  As much as I know that’s not the case, I still can’t shake the feeling.

Ambien Revisited

Posted in Uncategorized on October 21, 2014 by me

I haven’t taken Ambien since the early spring when I woke up and saw that I’d sent out a particularly regrettable text in the night.  That’s happened numerous times before then when I’ve taken Ambien, that emails or texts went out, but those usually had a happy ending and gave me a funny story.  But since I’m still feeling a certain way and since the possibility exists of doing it again, I’ve just resisted the urge and tried to muscle through the lack of good, sound sleep.

I used to travel a lot, or go camping, and I always have a problem falling asleep the first night at new place.  I’d make sure to travel with Ambien and would usually take half a pill to get me through that first night, and if the place was noisy or whatever, follow up on future nights as necessary.  I’m flying to Phoenix tomorrow for a Wounded Warrior Project event and spent awhile looking at the bottle of Ambien and trying to decide whether or not to throw it into my shaving kit.

I’ve played with the idea of going to WWP events in the past, but generally it was either for the fun of it, for the free gear/trip or to try and make a relationship stronger.  This is the first time I’m going, and I’m going for me, for the right reasons.  I’m acknowledging that I’ve got some issues, both physical/mental and emotional and that I need to be open minded, and immerse myself in this experience with similar people and see what good can come of it.  And, honestly, that’s a vulnerability that scares the hell out of me.  So it was tempting to grab that bottle.  Not sure why sleep seems like a baby blanket that can protect me through this journey.  Not sure if on some level I’m worried that I’ll just be exposed to all sorts of new thoughts and feelings and emotions that will just keep hounding me and if sleep will be the only escape from them.  Maybe it was just habit.  But the risk is still there, and that’s a scab I can’t pick right now.  Whatever the reason, I can do this without it.


Posted in Uncategorized on October 17, 2014 by me

With all the emo stuff this year, I’ve read a lot of these types of articles.  Some good, most bad.  Why bad?  Just too touchy feely, too much geared towards women, too unrealistic, written by someone too bitter, etc.  I like this one.  Not great, but far from terrible.  There are some in here that I’ve been guilty of.  Some in here that people I’ve dated have been guilty of.  Maybe that’s what makes one of these good or bad, being able to relate to a lot of it, for good or bad:

Protected: 9 Years

Posted in Uncategorized on October 13, 2014 by me

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Protected: Responsibilities. First failed attempt.

Posted in Uncategorized on October 10, 2014 by me

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Posted in Uncategorized on October 7, 2014 by me


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